Republican Thuggery Keeps the Subpoena Power Out of it.

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A conversation with a republican who voted to block it, like Jim "toilet" DeMint might go like this:

We have one of the most calamitous industrial accidents to ever take place in American history.

"Yeah?"

One in which eleven men lost their lives.

"yeah?"

And as many as 200 million gallons of oil, and perhaps 2 million gallons of toxic dispersant were dumped into the Gulf of Mexico.

"yeah?"

Millions of people affected by all this. Some of whom have lost their livelihoods and businesses going back generations.

"yeah?"

And yet, you expect the American public to believe, it is a GOOD thing, that you are blocking a special committee set up to investigate it from having full subpoena powers?

"Yes, exactly. We need to block the committee from getting subpoena power!"

Why? Isn't a subpoena the method that compels witnesses to the witness stand so you can get them under oath?

"This accident does not rise to the level, legally speaking, of requiring such a drastic measure."

What the fuck are you talking about? After all that has happened? THAT doesn't rise to the level of necessity in this case? What sort of gibberish is that?

"You're mishearing me. I didn't say doesn't rise to that level, I said, the commission is stacked by Mr. Obama. We want a bi-partisan commission appointed by congress."

No. That's not what you just said. I'll read it back if you like.

"Well that's what I meant. You are deliberately mishearing me."

Okay, Uncle Buck. I'll play along. The commission is in fact, a congressionally-appointed commission, isn't it? It has Bob Graham on it for God's sake. You can't get more fair and balanced, can you?

"He's from Florida."

Yeah? And?

"He might really want to know what happened. And if he found out, he might get really pissed. And suggest some people go to jail."

So?

"We would rather a do-nothing, feel-good sort of thing, you know? A commission that looks into it, sort of for a few days until the American public just sort of wanders off to sleep and starts thinking about American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, and all that bullshit. Or what about Brad and Angelina! Can't forget them. I mean, haven't we been through enough? Hasn't the country suffered enough already?"

Is it really just the case that you people are corrupticians paid off by BP to make this thing go away? Can it truly be that every whack conspiracy theory, from the business about Cheney and Halliburton, on through the putrid corruption storied about the Minerals Management Service, is all actually true, and you bribed, paid-off soulless scumbags - who likely are destined for the flames and cinders of hell if there IS a God - are just that damned diseased in your souls you want to keep the information from all of us?

"I decline to comment on the grounds my answer might incriminate me."

So what do YOU want to happen here? Certainly the answer isn't to do NOTHING is it?

"We believe the answer is to wait until after the mid-terms so we can get some input from others who might be more sympathetic to the whining from Big Oil. Guys like Marco Rubio, who has shown himself to have the ability to mouth whatever dog-shit we come up with and vomit it back up for the benefit of our cause. We don't want anything happening with this investigation, because, hell, let's face it: we are bought and paid for by Big Oil and there's no doubt about in anyone's mind. And if this commission got down to the granular details about all of this, why, some of us ole Pole Cats up here on the Hill will LIKELY be going to jail. Oops, did I say that or just think it?"