David Anthony Kearns with video contributions by Stanley S. Morton, III

BP Oil spill in Gallons

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Woopsie Daisy Commission

The last post highlights the ever-changing narrative; the bumbling, about-face, mushy, non-findings of President Barack Obama's Woopsie Daisy Oil Spill Commission.

The commission also goes by the misnomer "The National Commission on the BP Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill and Offshore Drilling." I say misnomer because nowhere in this title can be found the word 'investigation' which is something the commission have led us to believe was a function, when it has outed itself as yet another government funded "Ponies and Balloons" program.

At the end of the day (because wonks always use that phrase), when they are cornered with their own bullshit, they admit they have needed subpoena power all along. This, in spite of British tonnes of evidence already in the public record that BP CUT CORNERS, IN CRIMINAL FASHION and something was FLAWED WITH HALLIBURTON CEMENT!


1. Here's the word coming out on the commission's findings on November 3. To wit: Halliburton Cement = Bad.

But now? Woopsie daisy!! Not so much. 'No no, children. No smoking gun here'.

How are these two accounts so divergent in just six days time? In what universe are they even remotely congruous? Did an alternate reality superimpose itself on the previous? Was there some time warp paradox? Or - just spit-balling here - do they truly believe WE ARE THAT FUCKING STUPID?

2. And how about the numerous new stories including video testimony of survivors that BP was attempting the old, "wham bam, thank you ma'am" early withdrawal method from operations, to save time and money. This included the fatal removal of the drilling muds and replacement with lighter seawater BEFORE the well was entirely capped with failing cement!

BTW Did you hear the Doug Suttles quote mentioned? "let the investigation" find out what happened. Sure he's all for that. Because what he is talking about is the current, flaccid 'investigation'.

The investigation that, Woopsie-daisy!! Really needs subpoena power to actually do its job. Oh, boo-hoo. Included in the limp requests for more power, they (and it must be said) fully intend not to use, is the implied excuse and caveat "Well, we did as much as we could." (palms turned upward, shoulders shrugged here)

But now? Woopsie daisy!! Not so much. No. You must have heard wrong. " 'BP took no shortcut! What shortcut?'" And anyway, shortcutting was standard operating procedure so, technically there's nothing out of the ordinary going on. You see, that makes it okay, right? If everyone is doing it in the industry, even though it's unsafe, and like, BP have been doing it this way all along even though it defies even the notion of safety, then it's fair game, all good, end of story.

Funny how a trial balloon works. If you go for it and salute, why, that old trial balloon because stone-carved history. Anyway, you'll see it down there at the very bottom of the page:

"BP's temporary abandonment procedures introduced additional risk."

Wow, searing! Scathing! Ouch! Blistering! Yikes! You can bet they won't do that again!

Imagine post-Auschwitz, a similar investigation into prisoner treatment; "The use of this material can be toxic at these quantities." Or how about after 9-11, "Training procedures for pilots from Middle Eastern nations need to be modified to ensure proper control techniques."

Can you feel the urgency of this commission as it does its job! Just click on the videos. Why, they've dedicated a whole 30 minutes to public commentary!

The truth is, this commission is a white-wash. They float turds of do-nothing, and when they come to conclusions that enrage people still watching, they cry weakly that they can't get subpoena power.

Have they been fighting for it? Have they demanded it? No. They asked for it once, that request went nowhere, in fact was blocked by a group of senators including Jim DeMint and John Boehner.

The House of Representatives has passed a motion to give that power to the commission, but with any luck at all, it will hit the senate floor just as the new crop of lunatics hits their seats and the do-nothing Woopsie Daisy Commission has muddled to an early demise like a bad round of golf.

The president, already having cut massive deals to make the whole mess go away, simply flies to India, Indonesia, Korea, wherever to distance himself physically on the polar opposite side of the planet while this clunking, sputtering, wonky little group of disgraceful do-nothings and say-nothings, continues to shuffle papers, go to break, grab some coffee, maybe head to the can, then come back and mumble sweet, impotent nothings into their microphones.

Be sure to tell them how you feel via their email. And you can be sure they'll read each and every one. But heck, it might feel better for you to stuff their mail box chock full.

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