David Anthony Kearns with video contributions by Stanley S. Morton, III

BP Oil spill in Gallons

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

BP: We call it "The Gulf of Mexico Response"

A Brit might call it "mincing," might say such noodling over word selection, on such a tragedy was "complete bollocks," or call it the priggish prattle of an absolute twat, tosser, prat, ponce, or the 'w' word, which rhymes with anchor.
But then, according to this article, Mr. Tony Hayward CEO of BP doesn't want his company referred to as BRITISH Petroleum, anymore, either. Just BP, one can suppose, so we don't offend the Queen.
Maybe it stands for BAD Petroleum then. Yes, that must be it.
For once again Mr. Hayward has offended, and in turn, was offended and volleyed the offense back upon the victims.
And who are they, one might ask? Well, all these bloody Americans and their damned questions. By all these savage, uncooth Yanks and their litigious grumblings.
No, no. Not Mr. Tony Hayward, not quite a prat, twat, tosser nor ponce, or....that word that rhymes with anchor. No no.
He simply doesn't want his company linked with the name "The Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill", because of the connotation, the tone you see, it sets within the community.
Bad business that. Who would invite one to the next cricket match with such a stigma hanging over. That simply won't do.
Yes, to read the London Times article, we get the tone of it, then, don't we?
"Come on, this is America, we're going to have a lot of illegitimate claims."
It is clear, then, how the bloke feels. Isn't it.
Mr. Tony Fucking Hayward is in a spot of bother cross the pond with some banshee natives screaming for his bloody scalp, aren't they. Even though Mr. Tony Fucking Hayward is bloody well doing his upper crust best, and in fact, waging a Nelsonian battle against the very tides and spin of the earth, and he is winning! Nelson at Trafalga, he is, our Tony. Build him a pillar in Piccadilly, while these yanks whine boo hoo about their damned fishery, and their damned turtles. What a lot of sodden nonsense!
Except for the fact, Mr. Tony Fucking Hayward is bloody well lying his....arse, yes this is how we say it, don't we? - He is lying his fucking arse off, as the only reason the massive BP oil slick hasn't reached shore has nothing to do with bloody well BP, but the luck of sweet Jesus and the wind that has kept it offshore.
For once it does come ashore, there will be a hue and cry the like of which Mr. Tony Fucking Hayward has never heard before, and then indeed the manging, stinking natives of bayou La batre, of New Orleans, of New Iberia, of Gulfport, of Mobile, of Pensacola, of Apalachicola, and a thousand other places on the map that Mr. Tony Fucking Hayward can't even pronounce, will be howling for his head, as well as suing for every last dime, pound, pence, euro, and Deutschmark that BP - not to be confused with British Petroleum - has in its coffers.
And this, children, is why, Mr. Tony Fucking Hayward would rather - rah thur!- we not refer to this Gulf of Mexico BLEEDING FUCKING ARTERY in the tragic sense, but, that we call it "The Gulf of Mexico Response."
Well then, what should Mr. Tony Fucking Hayward esquire do in this situation, children?
Mr. TFH best get down on his knobbies and pray to the sweet baby Jesus he can fix this situation, that he can staunch this flow, and he had best do it fast.
And he had best stop insulting the decent folk of whom his company, whatever the name may be, has decimated the livelihood thereof.
Mr. TFH had best marshal his tongue better, as well. As well his subcontractors.
For Mr. TFH, the Gulf, isn't the football pitch at Eaton, sir, or wherever the hell it is you were schooled. One can't simply complain to the official to get the yellow card removed.
For in this country, sir, we accept responsibility for the actions of our subcontractors. Stray the wilds of this great land and you will hear even the common tradesman knows this; what your subcontractor does, YOU are responsible for.
And no matter that your subcontractors be shifty, (Halliburton) you let them on your drilling rigs, you signed off on their procedures, and you are responsible, both legally and morally for what goes on there, and the damage your subcontractors perpetrate.
To say otherwise makes YOU the illegitimate in the equation. You.

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